Just like there are females who are selfish, obnoxious, and take up all of the energy in the room by making things all about themselves, toxic masculinity does not mean that all masculinity is inherently bad. We’re talking about the toxic version that becomes dominant as a societal norm. For instance, bullying others to prove otherwise healthy masculine traits rather than being allowed to express pain through tears without society telling a boy he is weak. Healthy masculinity would be showing physical strength restraint when someone is less physically strong and in a vulnerable position.
To the Bully, male or female: The days of being assumed to be qualified without having to show merit are over. The bar has been so low for your behavior and performance. Your outbursts and neglect of respect and responsibilities is unacceptable.
Many people of all genders have had to tolerate Bully Culture. You have to walk on eggshells around someone you know is likely to blow up at the slightest criticism. The slightest suggestion becomes a trigger for their displaced wrath.
“When a person is “always angry”, it is often a telltale sign that they secretly feel they are “never good enough”, and they must use anger, exasperation and eye-rolling to shield this painful inner wound.
And while anger is not a bad thing by itself, it can quickly cross over into a pattern of unhealthy abuse of oneself and others, when it is also accompanied by a single, powerful factor: fear.
The fear that, “if I am EVER proven wrong or weak in any way, then I will NOT be worthy of love.”
In other words, the Angry One has a powerful and deep-seated feeling that she is loved only conditionally: that she will ONLY be worthy of love as a person, if she is totally invulnerable, perfect and “never wrong” – something which is impossible to attain, exhausting to pursue, and ultimately leads to the further wounding of oneself and the people around you – your loving partner, family and even children.
How to Heal It
The key to truly healing this deep wound is not to suppress the harsh inner voice of anger and fear of loss of love, or to forcibly numb it with alcohol, food, or media, but instead to try and rescue it – this forceful inner voice is actually an integral part of you – a part of your deep inner self, which has been cut off from you, and it is wounded and in pain.
It is trying to come home to you, and it needs your help.
This is the true meaning of “recovery” – that you must recover this exiled part of you, so that you may become truly whole and healed.
Here at Preside, we teach a very specific, unique method for helping people heal this type of inner wound, gently and privately. Tap “Learn More” below to hear a version of the method that can take as little as 7 days to complete, and is 100% online.
I guarantee that by the end of this 6-minute briefing, you will already feel better, and will have a clear path for how to fully heal this wound in your own life, once and for all.
founder, preside meditation
“It means sometimes I’m going to make mistakes. Sometimes I’m going to get upset at things you do because I don’t understand what’s going on in your head. Sometimes I’m going to forget that you’re halfway to being a man, and accidentally treat you like a child. Sometimes I’m going to expect more from you than you’re able to give. This is my first time parenting someone through puberty, and I’m going to make mistakes. So can I ask you a favour?”
“What is it?”
“Can you just keep telling me what’s going on in your head? The more we talk, the easier it will be for both of us to get through this puberty thing unscathed. Yeah?”
“Yeah,” her son said.
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